This is a common proverb in China and the students use this saying to express contradictions.
Let me illustrate a two-sided Chinese "coin."
The Chinese people are unfailingly gracious. Of course, there is the usual rude bustle of a huge city, but on a
personal level the kindness and graciousness is amazing and appreciated. For example,
last night one of Don's classes invited us to a banquet (spinner dinner as we call these festive affairs) at a nearby
hotel restaurant off campus. It was especially gracious since the class was young students who probably
lacked the social experience of older students. We had a great time and the atmosphere was fun and family-like.
You can see the wide array of food that is the norm at Chinese entertainment in a private room at a restaurant.
We enjoyed the delicious Cantonese food. (My favourites are the fish, vegetable dishes, and tofu dishes. The soup
is delicate, but almost too bland, but enough for now.) What is so remarkable is the sincere ability too express thanks.
Likewise, I received many personal gifts and cards from students after the classes were completed.
A cynic could say that this is part of guanxi, ( beneficial connections) and there might be some truth to that for some
of the students. But, I think, most were simply acting upon Chinese graciousness.
The other side of this graciousness coin it that the Chinese people usually do not want to offend by being bossy. As a result,
we would call some situations vague. For example, last week I was asked to make a voice recording for the university president
who wants to improve her English. I went to the campus recording studio with Susan, from the office. It took over
a half hour to read and record the pamphlet. After, Susan said, "I wonder if that was a little fast?" After some back and forth
I said that I would be happy to read it again at a slower pace. This is very common. Instead of stopping me after the
first 5 minutes, Susan did not want to be critical. Instead of being what we would call forthright, there
was a vague discussion that finally resulted in what was intended from the start. This is common and was difficult
to understand when we first arrived, and it still seems indecisive.
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