Michael is from the neighbouring province of Hunan and is a sociable, enjoyable and decent young man.
Every Friday he visits a married sister who lives in the city. He cooks a meal for her and helps out, since she is expecting.
This is a typical example of Chinese kindness within a family.
One day he told us that he has three older sisters. This is his story.
"My family has four children, which is unusual. Every family is supposed to have one child, but my father
was able to pay the fine and so we can have more children in our family. It is a very large fine, amounting
to thousands of dollars. My father is not rich, but he was able to pay the fine. My parents love me the most.
For example, I will be given the best piece of meat to eat. It will be put on my plate."
When Michael said this, I had to question him about being loved the most. Do you mean that you are loved because
the family finally has a boy, but everyone is loved equally? Michael replied, "No, I am loved more." This was not said
in an arrogant or unkind way. It was just a matter-of-fact reply. We talked about how girls must feel. He said that
families also love the daughters, but that sons are loved more. He also said that he will not feel like this when
he becomes a father. He will love a boy or a girl equally.
This one-child policy always comes as a shock to Westerners, even though we may understand the practical motivation for its inception.
From my conversations and perceptions, most Chinese do not like this policy, even though they support it as having been necessary.
Most believe that the policy will not be in effect for much longer. That could mean decades still, I suppose. As I listen to student
presentations, I learn that most students come from one-child families. But, many have another sibling, and a few even have more than one.
The pattern is usually the same as Michael's, which is a number of girls and a boy as the youngest. My assumption is that the family
has the means to pay the fine and is not dependent on a government job.
There are exceptions to the one-child policy. Here are a few that I know of.
If both parents come from a one-child home, they may have two children.
Minorities are exempt in certain ways.
A government job limits parents to one child.
Rural parents have some flexibility .
This is a sensitive topic for China. However, my students have been open and eager to discuss it.
Very often they will ask if I know about the one-child policy in China.
I think that they are wondering how it is perceived beyond China. One older student, who is a father
to a little boy, said, "My little boy is lonely. I wish we had another child for him to play with."
Also, the one-child policy has caused a surplus of boys, amounting to millions.
There is even social concern about boys not finding wives to marry.
Right now it is good to be a young, single woman in China. It has not always
been good to be a female in China. On Friday, a student gave a presentation
and said that his mother had to quit school at age fifteen to help pay for her
brother's college tuition. China has made great strides with gender equality. The
president of our university is a woman. However, there is still a long way to go.
One reason I like the new President Xi is because he has one child and she is a daughter.
Michael claims that gender identity before birth is illegal, but it must happen. With such a strong
cultural preference for male children, I respect all parents who happily
love their little girl.
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